Personal Reflection, Part 2 – The Illusion of Control

I used to believe that if I worked hard enough, planned well enough, and stayed ahead of the curve, I could control my life. That if I did everything right, things would fall into place. It was a comforting belief, one that gave me a sense of power over my own destiny. But life doesn’t work that way.

If the last year has taught me anything, it’s that control is an illusion.

I had plans. A business I had spent years building, a relationship I thought had potential, a future I was working towards. And yet, in the space of months, all of it shifted. Not because I wanted it to, but because life forced my hand.

The breakup was the first crack. I had convinced myself that love, effort, and patience could overcome anything. But relationships aren’t just about effort—they’re about alignment, trust, and two people moving in the same direction. And the truth was, we weren’t.

Then came the decision to close my business. For years, it had been my identity. My proof that I was capable. But it had also become my prison. I had spent so long chasing stability that I hadn’t realised I was sacrificing everything else for it.

And then, just as I was trying to make peace with those losses, cancer arrived, stripping away the last illusion of control.

And yet, in losing that illusion, I found something else: acceptance.

Because control was never the goal. Peace was. Balance was. And for the first time, I had no choice but to find it.

Why This Matters for The Work

So many of us move through life thinking that if we just push harder, sacrifice more, and stay disciplined, we can shape everything to our will. But the truth is, life doesn’t work that way. Things shift. People leave. Our bodies fail us. And if we’ve built our sense of self on the idea that we can control it all, then what happens when the waves hit?

The Work isn’t about control—it’s about resilience. It’s about recognising that no matter how much we plan, life will throw us challenges that force us to adapt. The real strength isn’t in holding on tighter, but in learning how to let go.

For me, that shift came when I realised that my worth wasn’t tied to how much I could achieve, provide, or control. It was in how I responded when everything changed. And that’s what I want for every man who steps into this space—not to fight the waves, but to learn how to move with them.

Because when we stop trying to control everything, we finally make room for something else: growth, connection, and maybe even peace.

That’s The Work.